Sunday, October 29, 2006

In Case You Missed It

Police in Pennsylvania responded to a call about a woman threatening to hurt herself. When they arrived, they found her with a knife to her throat. She then put the knife down and grabbed her rattlesnakes and began to wave at the officers. She was then bit in the arms and face by the snakes. Snakes In A Police Station staring L.L. Cool J coming to theaters January 2007.

The Santa station at the Valley View mall in Virginia will no longer be facing the Victoria's Secret store. Ho, Ho, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Maybe illegal immigrants should move to Scotland. Why? Because it cost them £5000 to mow the lawn that they placed on the roof of their £13million Scottish Natural Heritage HQ. Is that joke too racist?

A classic brothel has just re-opened it's doors. In Pompeii. Hey, a working girl's gotta work. Covered in ash or not. Look on the bright side. No need for Viagra. Think about it.

Boys and girls, please, don't do drugs.

A DHS worker in Oklahoma City was fired because he did the most despicable, horrible, dirty thing a human being can do. He dared to report illegal immigrants. Damn him.

A Wellington, Florida man died when his lawnmower flipped over in a pond and trapped him underneath. That's bad, but it gets stranger. This is the second time this has happened in the area. Wait, there's more. Not only is this the second time it's happened, but it's the second time in one month.

Firefighters in Miami, Flordia are called to put out a fire caused by a 1/2-ton roll of toilet paper. Now THAT'S a Halloween prank.

The runner-up for this weeks Darwin Award is Adrian Hilton of Coralville, Iowa. You see, Mr. Hilton likes to get high on the old "wacky tobacky". That's Stupidity #1. Stupidity #2 is Mr. Hilton taking the deposit bag from his job to the bank with his pot stashed inside.

And the winner, and what a winner, of the Dawrin Award is Richard Kuch of Saginaw, Michigan. It seems that Mr. Kuch was feeling a tad, let's say randy. So, what does he do? Hire a professional? Go to his girlfriend? No. He finds her dead dog on the side of the road, which had been there for 4-5 days. Hang on, that's not all. While he's doing the deed, he's doing it in full view of a daycare center.